Monday, November 14, 2011

Dear Finley,

Sweet baby girl, I miss you more than words can describe.

Today is the first time that I have been alone since you were born. Your big brother is sleeping in his crib and I've been thinking about you a lot. It makes mommy sad because I wish you were here to snuggle with, but please don't worry about me when I cry! I am surrounded by so many people who love me and who love you too. Mommy will be okay.

I keep touching my belly wishing I could take it all back and that you could be with me still. Or I find myself laying silently dreaming that you were in the other room napping with Eli; while I wait for your soft moans and waking up sounds.
Actually I'd probably just let you sleep on my chest, so I could listen to you breathe and smell your sweet baby smells. You'd probably snuggle up really close under my chin like your brother did, making me really uncomfortable... but I wouldn't mind. You'd probably giggle in your sleep like he did too. I wonder what you'd dream about...

It's selfish I know, to want you here with me. I know that heaven is so much more than what this world could give you. It makes my heart smile to know that you are in such a beautiful place and being taken care of. It makes me happy to know that you will never cry or get hurt.
I hope you're smiling, even when mommy isn't. I hope you're laughing, big belly laughs that make you fall over and lose your breath. But I so wish that I could kiss your cheeks and stroke your head. You should be with me and my arms ache to hold you; they always will.

I'll never forget when they put you on my chest. I was so proud. I was proud of what we had been through together and I was proud to be your mommy, I still am and I always will be. I will always love you. I will always miss you.

I know you're waiting for me in heaven. For now I need to take care of you brother and daddy, but I will come and get you soon! Don't worry about me baby girl, run off and play! Dance to the angel's music and run into God's arms for extra hugs when you need them.

I love you Finley, always!
Love, Mommy

P.s. Your brother just woke up! I'll give him an extra kiss just from you!


  1. Thinking of you today! So beautifully written!

  2. Gorgeous. I'm so sorry for your loss <3

  3. Kelli,

    I'm so sorry for your loss, but reading this is comforting. I'm glad you have such a loving perspective even in your sorrow.


  4. I feel so much of this, for my Cora. It never really goes away, but one days you'll look back with more smiles than tears.

    Each day is one day closer to holding her again.


  5. I just came across this post when I was searching for my own blog Dear Finley. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I can relate...