Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Dear Doctor.....

(I have an OB appointment this morning and I printed this out to hand to my doctor as long as there is still a heart beat)

I typed this up because I didn't want to forget any of the questions that I have for you. Also, I don't know if I would be able to actually say these things or ask these questions out loud while still making sense. This is a very difficult thing for me to discuss…..

I was told 2 months ago that my baby wasn't going to make it and later was given about a week for her to continue having a heartbeat. It's been 8 weeks and she is still alive and moving. Do we still believe that this will be the outcome even though she has lasted this long?

I can't just stop fighting for my daughter, I need to know all of my options to help her. I can't just be expected to sit back and let her die without even trying to find a way to save her.

Now that I am nearing "viability" can we do amnio infusions to help her survive and grow?

Now that I am farther along, is there a chance she will survive? Is her lasting this long an indication that it's not as bad as we originally thought? If it would help could we induce early and take her out while there is time to help her? Would it be better for HER to have her inside me or try to take her out and help her?
If we induce or if she makes it to term what will happen? Could she have surgery to correct her heart? Could she have a heart transplant? Could we drain the fluid around her heart?

Why aren't we fighting harder for her or considering all possibilities? Why am I just being told she won't make it??

I was told we would have to consider life support. Why would we need to consider that? What are the facts that point to her not being able to survive after birth?

Why don't we THINK she will survive?? Just the heart failure? The low fluid? I'm trying to understand this better.

I keep getting told I need to have an amniocentesis to get definite answers, but I have been told on more than one occasion that my baby will not survive. Why is THIS the definite answer I keep being given?? If this is my answer then why would I even have the amniocentesis?
I chose not to do the amniocentesis because I was told she would not make it. I decided that I would opt for testing after her birth. It has been 2 months and she is still here.

If she does pass while I am still pregnant, what steps do I take? What happens if I come in for a heartbeat check and it isn't there? What will the steps be? Are we going to wait to see if I go to labor on my own? How long would we wait before inducing?

I just need some answers so that I can be at peace with all of the decisions I need to make.
I can't just be told that she will not make it and accept that as a fact without some answers.
This is my daughter, she is a person, I can't just let her die.


  1. That was a perfect and beautiful letter! I'm so glad you wrote it out and will give it to him. You are fighting for her, she is a strong fighter and we are all fighting and praying for you and her. What strength sweet Finley has! What strength and faith you have. You're an amazing mommy - i know she feels every moment of your love! You deserve to have some answers and know what THEY are planning to do to fight for her too!! <3 <3

  2. Your letter is perfect. You and your family deserve the answer to all of those questions. I am proud of you for standing up and making sure Finley's voice is heard. Much love and many prayers.