Monday, October 15, 2012

Remembering Our Children

“The sun shall no longer be your light by day,
Nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you;
But the Lord will be to you an everlasting light,
And your God your glory.
Your sun shall no longer go down,
Nor shall your moon withdraw itself;
For the Lord will be your everlasting light,
And the days of your mourning shall be ended."
[Isaiah 60:19-20]

Many people don't know it, but October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. A full month to recognize a loss that so many grieve silently.

Until a few weeks ago I didn't know about this designated month nor did I know about the annual mid-month candle lighting ceremony. Even the month designated for "awareness" seems so silent.

It makes sense though, at least to me. What can you say or do for a parent who loses a child? What kind of response should there be? How do you talk about it or recognize it or grieve out loud? It's uncomfortable and it's tremendously sad. It is incomprehensible for those who experience it, just as it is incomprehensible for those who are witness to it. 

No one is supposed to lose their child. Yet we live in a fallen world. Tragedies happen... just not to me, right? Wrong.

The days, weeks and months after Finley's birth were such a confusing time.  
I don't remember the full two weeks or so after we came home from the hospital. I remember being wheeled out down the back hallways of the hospital so that we didn't encounter unwanted stares or sad eyes, I remember pulling away from the hospital clinging to my stuffed animal, I remember getting home and collapsing onto the bed with Daniel and learning what it truly meant to "weep". Then... nothing. It sounds like an exaggerated literary scenario, but it's not.

The meals came, the cards came, flowers came, the emails, the letters for Finley. 
Friends, family, even strangers tried to comfort me and ease the endless waves of grief. The kindness, sympathy, and love was overwhelming and appreciated and NEEDED. Unfortunately, it didn't touch my mourning.

It took a while for me to finally quiet my spirit and lift my eyes to the only one who could provide relief. "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." [Romans 8:18]

You see, even as a mother who lost her child, I don't know the answers. I don't know what you can say or do for a parent who loses a child. I don't know what kind of response there should be. I don't know how we should begin to talk about it, or recognize it, or grieve out loud.

What I do know is that our children were here. They were with us. Their lives were of value. They need to be remembered. 
I ache for her to be remembered. She was my daughter; she is my daughter.

Please take this day to remember them. Remember our children. 


  1. Oh Kelli. I love you! You have such a beautiful way with words with raw emotion and pure honesty. I am praying for you today and always. I will always remember beautiful, precious Finley <3

  2. So beautifully written, Kelli. Thank for you for allowing us a view into your heart and mind. Thinking of you today.

    1. Oh Kelli! You write so well. Thank you for sharing your sweet daughter with us. My heart breaks for you. You are the most amazing miter to Finley <3 and she will never be forgotten.

  3. Read Chapter 2 in the book Crazy Love.

  4. I think of Finley so often. She is still changing so many hearts with you telling her story.
    All my love.