Well... we have a name! Oh, and in case you didn't know I am pregnant once again and due next month.
I have been very hesitant to post much about this pregnancy on my blog.... fear, cold feet, not getting my "hopes" up.... call it what you want. Although I have kept quiet on the subject, this pregnancy has been very special to me and I've held it close to my heart. Even Daniel has had to fight to get me to open up about it, often getting one word responses or deflections.
This pregnancy has been a huge silent challenge for me. Wrestling with the demons of Finley's pregnancy, hitting milestones that I was never able to reach with her, entering into ultrasounds with a pit in my stomach.
When I reached the "safe zone", I still didn't feel safe. I was given no relief.
Most new moms are giddy about finding out the gender of their little one and seeing their babies via ultrasound, but I was terrified of seeing something wrong. I plastered a smile on my face and let my heart race as the wand was placed on my pregnant belly. I even skipped out on a couple... fearful.
At each appointment we have been given great, positive news. He is perfect; but I can't help but think in the back of my mind "He gives and He takes away". I have been praying that our newest miracle will be born into this world screaming his lungs out, making up for the silence of his sister's birth.
Now here we are less than a month away from our son's arrival and I am starting to become hopeful and excited, anxious to hold him and kiss his cheeks. Anxious to hear him cry! Anxious to see big brother Eli in action.
Lord willing, Jude Lawrence will be here on November 9th!
Until then, I am praying for peace and longing for the day that I can set my eyes on him! I love you sweet baby Jude!
jude: "praise; thanks"
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